


Lifeline

by headofmarimo



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Charmed Akira, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rebuilding, Ryuji and Akira have some emotional baggage they need to take care of, This gets a happy ending though don't worry, probably cheap angst but hey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-05-13 13:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14749448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headofmarimo/pseuds/headofmarimo
Summary: Akira gets charmed and attacks Ryuji during a mission in Mementos. Ryuji needs some distance afterwards, but that's okay: Akira's more than willing to wait for his best friend if it means repairing their bond.





	1. The Things Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> (Hey guys! So some things I should specify:  
> Although there are no details of legitimate rape, there are definitely non-consensual elements in the first part of the chapter that may make people uncomfortable.  
> So yeah, hope you "enjoy" reading :,)  
> I'll probably make this 3-4 chapters at most.)

There wasn’t any time for Ryuji to react, and the first thing he felt was pain exploding from the back of his head as he was pinned to the ground, labored breaths panting heavily into his ear and curls of dark hair brushing against his face.

“Joker, snap out of it!” he yelled, struggling against Akira’s grip in an attempt to throw him off. Talk about a shitty situation; his hands were immobilized by Akira holding down with his weight, and kicking him wasn’t an option because of the knee digging painfully into his stomach.

Akira didn’t respond, and instead something feral, almost akin to a growl, welled from his throat, his sickly pink eyes narrowed and focused right onto Ryuji as a trickle of saliva dribbled from his bared teeth.

“Panther, a little help?!” shouted Ryuji as he continued to writhe against Akira.

“We’re trying! But the Shadow is keeping our hands full! Just hang on a little longer!” cried Ann, narrowly avoiding the swing of the Shadow’s blade. Makoto advanced and caught the Shadow squarely in the side of the head with her fist only to be swatted to the side, a grunt of pain escaping her as she tumbled across the floor.

Just how long was a little longer? A cry escaped him as Akira dug his knee even deeper into his stomach, white splotches dancing in his vision; he couldn’t take much more, he felt like he was going to throw up.

“Joker… A-Akira…” he groaned.

Suddenly the weight was gone, the pain carried away into a lingering ache and allowing Ryuji to breathe again. For a moment Ryuji dared to hope that his leader had managed to overcome the charm, but then he heard it:

“ _Mine_ ,” snarled Akira, his legs repositioning to trap Ryuji’s between them. His eyes were crazed as he tightened his grip on Ryuji’s wrists and left indents from the press of his nails into skin, each breath blowing a wave of hot air into Ryuji’s face. “ _Mine, mine, mine,_ ”

“What the eff Joker?! Let me go!” Ryuji refused to stop struggling, gasping from exertion, but he couldn’t break free from the brute strength granted to Akira by the charm. _Shit,_ there was nowhere to go, and cold terror coursed through Ryuji’s veins as he watched Akira open his mouth and lean forward, teeth drawing in closer and closer as if he was going to tear open Ryuji’s face and consume him. He screwed his eyes shut, waiting for teeth to sink into his flesh…

And his eyes were flying wide open as he felt a pair of lips crush against his own, unable to see anything other than Akira’s face smashed into him.

Ryuji groaned, too surprised to struggle as Akira drank him in hungrily, only taking a few pauses to gasp for air before delving right back in and clacking their teeth together in bruising kisses.

“M-mph, A-Akira…” stuttered Ryuji between each kiss. Akira continued to ignore him, and he tugged Ryuji’s bottom lip between his teeth once he finished. His hands finally released Ryuji, but Ryuji’s mind was too occupied with everything that Akira was doing to realize he could fight back. His thoughts were a complete mess, one part screaming in his mind that this was just _wrong_ , but the other part completely entranced by Akira’s movements. Akira was untying his scarf, biting and sucking at his neck without even hesitating and causing Ryuji to hiss in pain at the sharp sting of teeth grazing his skin.

“A-Akira, wait…” his hands were trying to push Akira’s head away only to be pinned back on the ground.

Everything was moving too quickly, and suddenly Ryuji was arching his back and crying out as Akira grinded himself directly against him, fueling the heat simmering in Ryuji’s gut and sending his thoughts into a whirlwind of turmoil while Akira rutted eagerly against him. This wasn’t right, he shouldn’t be doing this…

“ _Mine,”_ Akira repeated again, the word barely discernible in the gravel of Akira’s voice; it was almost unrecognizable, and the sound only fueled Ryuji’s terror: this wasn’t his leader, right now he was nothing more than a wild animal.

“S-stop…” begged Ryuji. His struggles were growing weaker as exhaustion ate away at him, but his eyes shot wide open once he felt Akira let go of him and pull impatiently at the zipper of his suit, Akira’s other hand slipping into the opening to grab at whatever skin it could touch.

“ _Stop_ _!_ ”

The world seemed to blur, and the next thing Ryuji knew Akira was sprawled on the ground several feet away from him. Akira didn’t bother to wipe away the blood dribbling from his nose, rivulets flowing down and staining his teeth a metallic crimson as he struggled to push himself back up.

Ryuji also stood back up; he pulled out his bludgeon pipe and tried his best to stop his hands from shaking while his knuckles thrummed with pain from the impact of connecting with bone. The hungry look in Akira’s eyes was still there, and a dark, oppressive fog clouded Ryuji’s thoughts the longer he had to stare. He didn’t know why, but seeing Akira like this right after what he did made him want to take his pipe and bash it into Akira’s head repeatedly. He knew it wasn’t Akira’s fault, he was charmed, but at the same time Ryuji couldn’t bring himself to calm down: blood was pounding in his ears and there was an ache in his chest filled with something he couldn’t describe, all he knew was that it hurt like hell.

He didn’t have any more time to dwell on it before a burst of brilliant green sparks erupted around Akira, showering him in a gentle glow of white light before dissipating into the air. Akira stood, swayed slightly to the side, and collapsed heavily onto the ground.

“Skull, are you alright?!” shouted Makoto as she rushed to his side. Ryuji silently nodded and continued to stare at Akira’s unmoving form. “Thankfully the energy shower worked, but we can’t move forward with Joker in this state.” muttered Makoto once she also noticed. She knelt towards Akira and slung his arm around her shoulder. “Here, could you give me a hand?”

Ryuji hesitated for a moment, one foot rigidly stepping forward until he also bent down to support Akira’s other side.

“Should we all head back to the safe room then?” asked Ann.

“It would appear so. We can’t expect to advance very far with our leader unconscious.” noted Yusuke.

“Guess it’s settled then.” sighed Ann. She was about to head off until she noticed the stream of blood dripping from Akira’s face. “Ah! Jesus, what happened to him?”

“Accidentally busted his nose.” mumbled Ryuji, tightening his grip on Akira’s arm.

“I know he was charmed, but you need to learn to hold back, Skull!” chided Morgana, worriedly inspecting Akira’s face for any more damage.

Ryuji couldn’t help  but cringe. “I was tryin’ to protect myself!”

“Let’s just be glad that’s the worst of it,” interrupted Makoto sternly. “Either one of them could’ve ended up seriously hurt Mona.”

Morgana’s ears wilted forward. “Right… sorry, Skull.”

Ryuji sighed. “It’s fine. Let’s just get moving already.” he started to move forward until he noticed Futaba staring at him. Futaba gave a start and hurriedly turned away, but not before Ryuji noticed her furrowed brows and the tight press of her lips together.

What was up with her?

They headed back to the safe room and placed Akira on the row of chairs, and a few minutes later Akira began to stir, his eyes fluttering open.

“Oh thank goodness, he’s awake!” exclaimed Haru, withdrawing the handkerchief she was using to wipe the remaining blood from his face.

“Noir..?” murmured Akira. “What happened?”

“You got charmed by a Shadow.” explained Futaba. “And you… attacked Skull, but thankfully no real harm was done before we could fix you up.”

Akira blearily turned his head. “Skull… where is he?”

“Right here man.” replied Ryuji. He was leaning against the glass wall of the station near the entrance.

Akira stared at him. “You’re okay?”

“More or less…” muttered Ryuji, avoiding his gaze. He stood up and made his way out, turning his back towards Akira. “Can we finish up now that he’s fixed? I don’t wanna spend all night here.”

“Hey, be a little more sympathetic would you?” protested Ann.

“He’s better now, ain’t he? I don’t see why he needs special treatment!” snapped Ryuji.

Dead silence followed his words, and Ryuji slowly turned to see everyone staring at him. Shame washed over him the longer he had to stand there, and finally he couldn’t stand it anymore and walked away. “Forget it, I’m leaving early.”

“Skull—” started Yusuke.

He didn’t hear the rest before the real world reshaped around him, leaving him completely alone in the subway station.

* * *

 

The next day felt like a dream to Ryuji.

Akira had texted him multiple times asking what was wrong, but each time Ryuji ignored his messages, staring through the classroom window as he tuned out whatever the teacher was saying.

He had forgotten later and hung around his usual spot in the school hallway, and the moment he saw Akira walking towards him he hurriedly made his way down the stairs, rushing out of the school. Ryuji hated it, he knew he was acting selfish, but his stomach churned every time he looked at Akira and his mind flooded with memories of what happened. He couldn’t bring himself to be near Akira anymore, and Ryuji had never felt this lonely since the track team abandoned him. The other Phantom Thieves, his other friends, asked if he was okay, but he ignored those messages as well as he tried to distract himself with video games. He was too ashamed to talk to them after he lost his temper. Time seemed to blur together, and Ryuji was completely numb by the time he put the controller down.

He decided to call it a night and go to bed.

* * *

 

It was three in the morning when his phone suddenly went off, waking Ryuji with a start.

Ryuji groaned and wiped the sleep from his eyes as he read the text blaring from the screen.

**Ann: We’re hanging out today. Big Bang Burger at 12 and you’re not allowed to say no**

What?

**Ryuji: Look, if it’s about Mementos, it’s nothing. Sorry for getting so angry**

**Ann: It’ll be my treat**

Ryuji huffed before typing a response.

**Ryuji: Fine**

**Ann: Good, see you then**

He let the phone fall back on the nightstand with a clatter and closed his eyes again, trying his hardest not to think about the events of that day.

* * *

 

“So, tell me what’s up.”

She was straight to the point, at least. “Like I said earlier, it’s nothing,” dismissed Ryuji.

“Don’t give me that, something definitely happened between you and Akira.” asserted Ann before taking another sip of her juice. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get mad at him like that before.”

“I wasn’t mad, I just wanted to get the mission over with.” muttered Ryuji, absentmindedly swirling his straw.

“You’re a bad liar, you know,”

“I don’t wanna hear that from you!”

Ann raised her brows before taking another sip of her drink. “Ryuji, it’s fine if you think Akira did something wrong. None of us were actually mad at you for leaving.”

Ryuji let out a scoff.

“Okay, I’ll admit, I _was_ kinda pissed that you ditched us, but I know you don’t do that kind of shit without a good reason.” she placed her drink to the side. “So trust me a little more, okay?”

Ryuji stared at her. Finally, he sighed and slumped his shoulders. “Alright, I’ll talk. It’s embarrassing as hell, though.”

Ann turned out to be a pretty good listener, and by the time Ryuji was done mumbling out what happened her eyes were filled with fire.

“Well no wonder you were pissed. That isn’t exactly something you can forget anytime soon.”

“I know it wasn’t his fault, but still…” his grip tightened around the soda cup, crinkling the sides. “When I look at him I can’t think of anything else.”

“No, hey, Ryuji. It’s okay to be upset.” she hesitated for a moment. “But I think you should talk to Akira about it, or at least tell him what happened.”

“I don’t think I can. Hell, I can’t even look him in the eye without feeling uncomfortable.” he leaned back against his seat. “Guess that makes me an asshole, huh?”

Ann twirled her finger around one of her pigtails. “Hmm, maybe you just need to work up to it first.” she pulled out her phone “Here, I’m gonna schedule a group meeting today, Akira included. That way he’s there but you have other people to talk to if you need to tap out.”

“Ann, that’s not—”

“Akira was pretty upset after you left.” interrupted Ann while she typed. “he was quiet the entire time we were down there without you. And the next day it really messed him up when you wouldn’t even talk to him.” she glanced up from her phone. “So give it a chance, okay? We’d all hate to see you stop being friends.”

Ryuji hesitated and wondered if things could really be fixed before giving his answer. “…Sure.”

Ann smiled at him. “Good!” she stood up and put her phone back in her purse. “So, don’t forget to pay me back later. I’ll be sure to add the food to your bus fare debt.”

“Hey!” protested Ryuji. Ann giggled, and Ryuji couldn’t help but crack a smile too.

At the very least, he was glad he could rely on his friends.


	2. Tell-Tale Spell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (H-Hey guys!  
> Sorry for the reaaally long hiatus. I lost interest but then gained it again! ^^'  
> Hope you enjoy reading!)

Morgana placed a paw on Akira’s hand before he could hit the send button.

“Wha- get off Morgana.” scolded Akira, trying to pull his phone away.

“Joker, that’s enough. You’ve been sending texts all day. He’s not going to respond.”

He glared at the intruding feline for a long moment before finally slumping his shoulders in defeat. A heavy sigh escaped Akira’s lips as he tossed the phone onto the bed, and Morgana’s eyes were filled with pity as he watched him anxiously run his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t understand… if he would just talk to me about it then I would know how to sort it out.” muttered Akira.

“Ryuji’s just being stubborn as usual. Give him time, he’ll come crawling back eventually.” promised Morgana as he began grooming himself.

“But I don’t _want_ him to come crawling back, I want him to talk to me about this so we can actually fix what’s wrong. And how can you be so calm about this? He’s your friend too, you know!”

“Just because I don’t look like it doesn’t mean I’m not worried! Unlike you guys I don’t have a phone I can use to constantly bombard him with texts!” hissed Morgana, hackles raising slightly. They glare at each other, until finally Morgana’s ears wilted. “...Sorry, that was out of line. I _am_ worried though, honest. I just... feel powerless to really do anything about it…” he padded up to Akira, nuzzling his chest. “We’ll get through to him, okay? He’s our friend, after all. There’s no way we’ll give up so easily on him.”

A long moment of silence, and Akira slowly placed a hand on Morgana’s head to pet him, feeling his frustration melt a little.

He’s suddenly startled by the chime of his phone going off.

Akira snatched his cellphone off the bed and turned on the screen with fumbling fingers, only for a wave of disappointment to wash over him when he saw that it was from Futaba. Sighing, he unlocked his phone to read the text message:

**Futaba:**

**Okay, this is getting crazy.**

**Futaba:**

**Meet me in my room if you want to know what happened.**

The moment he processed the message, Akira didn’t waste any time rushing out of his room and down the stairs, struggling to put his jacket on while he moved.

“H-Hey! Where are you going?” Morgana shouted after him.

“Futaba’s! Sorry, I’ll be back in a bit!”

“You better come back before it gets too late!”

* * *

 

An awkward silence weighed in the air as Akira seated himself on Futaba’s bed. The silence continued to grow more oppressive, and Akira could tell Futaba was clearly struggling to find the right thing to say.

“...So, um, there’s no easy way to put this…” mumbled Futaba after finally gathering her thoughts.

“Then don’t try to think of one. Just give it to me straight, Futaba.” replied Akira, arms crossed.

Futaba nodded. “If you’re sure…” she took a deep breath. “Hey Akira, so, uh, what exactly do you think of Ryuji?”

Akira frowned at that. What Akira thought of Ryuji? What did that have to do with anything?

He took a minute to think. “He’s a loyal and dependable friend,” Akira started out slowly. “Sure he can be impulsive, but it’s mostly for the sake of others, not himself. He’s loud, a bit of a pervert, but… he’s not a bad person at all. Extremely kind, in fact.” he shifted uncomfortably on the mattress. “Is this important to what happened in Mementos?”

“Yeah, but, er, that’s not really what I meant.” Another deep breath. “I mean… do you have a crush on him?”

Akira’s eyes widened, the tips of his ears burning. “H-huh? What kind of question is that?!” he blustered.

“D-Don’t get so defensive! I-I’m asking because you did some p-pretty weird stuff when you attacked him!” stammered Futaba, clinging to her headphones and hunched into a tight ball.

Akira was clearly making her anxious, and he tried his best to calm down and make himself less imposing. “S-Sorry... So what was weird about it?”

Futaba bit her lip. “Well, when I checked to make sure that you guys were holding up on your own, I saw that you tackled Ryuji to the ground. I was about to call the others in for help but then you… um…”

“I what?”

“You, um, k-kissed him…” Futaba said in a small voice.

Akira could hardly believe his ears. “Excuse me?”

“A-And that’s not all, you s-started tearing up his suit and touching him in weird p-places.” Futaba stammered. The blush on her face was growing increasingly darker the more she explained, and Akira’s own face probably matched. “Ryuji managed to push you off before I needed to send in support, b-but the whole thing left him pretty shaken up because of how you were acting…” she couldn’t even look Akira in the eye. “I-I know you were charmed, b-but even still that’s not a normal effect for it to have. S-So my theory was that your own emotions got mixed into the spell and made you, made you-”

“Made me assault Ryuji,” finished Akira flatly. “God, no wonder he’s been avoiding me.” Akira scrubbed a hand through his hair, all of his thoughts swirling together in chaos. “I don’t… even know how to react to this. Jesus…” he clutched his head. “But I don’t think I have feelings for him like that. Maybe it was just a fluke.” Yes, that had to be it. Even if they often hung out together, that didn’t necessarily mean Akira wanted to pursue a relationship, but at the same time...

“A-Anyways, I think you get the idea. I-It’s bad enough to have someone jump you, but for that person to be your own friend…”

Futaba didn’t even need to finish the sentence. Akira knew. Something serious had occurred, something that seriously messed with the boundary between their friendship. He sighed as he stood back up, a doleful smile on his face. “Thank you for telling me Futaba. I really appreciate it.”

Futaba nodded, her finger nervously tapping against the right cup of her headphones. “S-So, what are you going to do then?”

“I don’t think there’s any choice other than confront him in person. I’ll follow him around at school on Monday until he has no choice but to talk to me.”

He exchanged farewells with Futaba after that, and once he reached the cafe Akira trudged up to his room and promptly collapsed on the bed, groaning into the sheets and ignoring Morgana’s questions.

He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, but when he woke up the next day there was a text message from Ann waiting for him. She demanded that they all meet up in the cafe later, and Akira could only wonder what she was planning.

* * *

 

“Yo,”

They all stared at Ryuji, causing him to sink deeper into his seat. “Geez, what’s with you guys? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something…”

“Well, you’ve been avoiding our text for the entirety of yesterday, and suddenly you’re sitting here like nothing ever happened.” muttered Makoto. “So please forgive us for being a little surprised.”

Ryuji nervously swirled the straw of his drink around. “Sorry about that… I was feeling really off that day, and I guess it just ended up being too much after the Mementos trip.” mumbled Ryuji.

“Well, that’s behind us now. We’re all just glad to have you back Ryuji-kun.” beamed Haru.

“Jeez, making a big deal out of nothing.” sighed Morgana.

Ryuji flinched slightly at his words, and Futaba poked the feline in the side as retribution, causing him to skitter across the table. “Nyah!”

“So what reason have you brought us all together, Ann? I  have other business that I put aside just for this.” asked Yusuke.

Ann gave a strained smile. “U-um, is there any reason to just want to hang out with your friends? I-I just wanted us to all get together and h-have fun, you know?”

“Oh! Do you have something in mind?” added Haru, pressing her hands together.

“Um…” Ann looked pleadingly at Ryuji for help, who simply shrugged his shoulders in response.

Oh honestly…

“How about the amusement park?” Akira proposed.

Ann’s eyes lit up at that, and Ryuji… maybe Akira was being paranoid, but he almost looked reluctant. He tried to lock eyes with him, but Ryuji simply averted his gaze to Ann’s direction.

“That’s a wonderful idea! Then should I request reservations at Destinyland again?” asked Haru.

“No need, let’s just all go to Dome Town.” replied Akira quickly. No way he was going to make Haru go there so soon after the death of her father.

“T-Totally, that sounds like so much fun!” said Futaba with a little too much force. She stood up and almost tipped over the stool she had been sitting on. “Let’s go!”

It wasn’t hard to tell what Futaba and Ann were trying to do, but at the very least Akira appreciated their effort.

When they boarded the subway, Ryuji took a seat several spots away from him.

* * *

 

“I hurt you.”

Ryuji didn’t say anything in response, staring intently through the glass of the ferris wheel cart.

They had been through a few rides already, and every single time Ryuji took the farthest possible seat from Akira. Ann must have gotten fed up, because she forced everyone into pairs for the ferris wheel with Akira and Ryuji as one pair. Just the two of them in the cart on a ride that would take forever to finish.

It was the perfect opportunity for a conversation.

“Ryuji, please say something. Futaba told me what happened, and I know you’re upset, but I couldn’t control what I did during that time-”

“I _know_ ,” spat Ryuji, shoulders tense. “But that was still _you_ , touchin’ me all over and treatin’ me like I was some toy. That experience paired with your face, it’s not something I can shake off so easily…” he pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry, honest, I feel like shit for doing this to you, but it’s like I get chills every time I’m even near you now.”

Akira opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He stared at the floor, wishing that there was some way to go back in time and pick a different route so he didn’t have to encounter that shadow.

“T-Then…” he might be making the wrong choice, but he scooted over to Ryuji’s side, the distance between them only a few inches now compared to a few feet.

Ryuji flinched when he noticed, but he didn’t shy away, leaning slightly in the opposite direction. “W-What are you doing?”

“Um, so there’s this thing… desensitization. M-Maybe if, we, um, work up the ladder, you’ll get more comfortable with me being around you, and eventually… things will go back to normal.”

Ryuji’s brows furrowed together, but he gave a curt nod in acknowledgement. “O-Okay. Yeah, we can try that…” he hesitated, gaze anxiously flickering towards Akira. “I-I’m sorry about this, I really am. I promise I don’t hate you, a-and I still think you’re my best friend, b-but it’s just-”

“It’s fine-” interrupted Akira, and he scooted just a bit closer. Ryuji’s leg twitched to the other side, but Akira could tell Ryuji was determined not to pull away.

“How's this?” he asked. They still weren’t touching, but that was fine. They could work up to it.

“It’s a little overwhelming, but nothing I can’t handle.” mumbled Ryuji. For the first time, Ryuji looked at him head-on, a nervous smile on his face. “Thanks, Akira.”

 _Anything for my best friend_. That’s what Akira was about  to say, but there was still a sense of doubt gnawing away at his chest.

Akira wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore.

“No problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Thanks so much for reading!)


	3. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Hey guys! Hope you enjoy this chapter! I'm trying my hand at writing stuff that isn't AU's, so I hope I did a good job!)

Ann was ecstatic to see the two standing at a distance less than five feet away from each other after the ferris wheel ride. She pulled Ryuji to the side while everyone took a break to use the bathroom.

“Did you two work it out?” she whispered, tucking her bangs behind her ear.

Ryuji shrugged his shoulders. “Sorta. We’re working up the ladder.” he answered, uneasy. He was supposed to forgive Akira and move on, act like the whole ordeal never happened, but the lingering anxiety in his heart refused to allow that to happen.

“Huh. Better than nothing, I guess.What did he say about the whole . . . incident?”

He couldn’t help but avert his eyes, ashamed. “He apologized, but even still I can’t… I’m gonna need some time.” he mumbled. “Pretty selfish, huh?”

“Don’t say that. Akira understands, right? He’s not the kind of guy who would-” she clamped her mouth shut once she noticed Akira emerging from the bathroom, letting go of Ryuji’s arm and hastily retreating to talk to Makoto instead.

“What were you two talking about?” asked Akira, the oppressive weight in Ryuji’s chest growing heavier with each step closer he took. Ryuji felt like he could barely breathe.

“Nothing.” he couldn’t help but take a step in the opposite direction, and Akira stopped in his tracks, brows furrowed together but saying nothing as he gave Ryuji the space he needed.

Ryuji felt like a complete asshole.

“We should catch up to the others.” said Ryuji, flashing a nervous smile in a pitiful attempt to lighten the mood.

Akira nodded, still silent, and he looked expectantly at Ryuji.

“H-Huh? Oh.” He must have been waiting for him to start walking so that he can follow a safe distance behind, and Ryuji’s guilt only grew worse as he slowly turned away and began to head forward, the echo of Akira’s footsteps overlapping with his own. Eventually his sense of guilt outweighed his anxiety, and he forced his legs to still for a moment to allow Akira to catch up.

A pause as Akira also stopped walking, and Ryuji planted his feet in place when Akira slowly, cautiously, walked up to him, their shoulders a few inches away.

“This good?” murmured Akira. His hands were buried deep in his pockets, gray eyes inspecting him carefully.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to ask all the time.” muttered Ryuji.

“Come on you guys! Pick up the pace!” yelled Futaba at the front with the rest of their friends.

Ryuji hesitated, and he rushed forward to catch up with Akira at his side. 

Ann noticed the two of the still together, and she gave a small smile before turning away and letting out a groan, clutching her stomach. “Dang, I’m starving. We should all go out and eat! What do you guys say?”

“But I’ve already drained an excessive amount of my funds today for this-” began Yusuke.

“I’ll pay! Come on, I could really use some of Boss’s curry right now. Right Ryuji?”

Ryuji jolted, glancing anxiously at Akira and then back at Ann, hesitating for a moment before giving his verdict. “Um, sure… curry sounds good.” This had to end today. He couldn’t run away from this problem any longer, for Akira’s sake and his own.

* * *

 

The train ride back to the cafe was unusually silent. Futaba had dozed off, slumped against Makoto’s shoulder while Makoto read the manga book in her hands. Yusuke’s pencil darted about on the surface of his sketchbook as Haru watched in wordless fascination, and Ann played a game on her cellphone, occasionally glancing back at Ryuji and Akira. 

They had nothing to occupy their time, no cellphone or book in hand, and yet Ryuji couldn’t bring himself to exchange a single word with his own best friend. Even though they were sitting right next to each other, the distance between them felt overwhelming, an  insurmountable rift threatening to swallow Ryuji whole if he dared to try and cross it.

He was trapped by an invisible barrier of his own creation, rejecting the first friend who had ever accepted him since Kamoshida broke his leg.

Ryuji considered just rolling over and pretending to sleep, but a paw rubbing impatiently at his leg startled him out of his thoughts.

“Hey blondie,when are you gonna stop moping?” hissed Morgana.

“Morgana, it’s fine.” muttered Akira.

Morgana ignored him. His ear flicked impatiently. “You two giving each other the silent treatment isn’t going to solve anything, and it’s making the rest of us uncomfortable. Are you really okay with things being like this until Akira goes back home?”

Ryuji pressed his lips together at that, shaking his head. No, he hated this above all else, but at the same time his body wouldn’t listen to him, repelling itself from Akira until it felt out of harm’s reach.

“It’s fine, Ryuji. Things like this take time, I get it.” Akira hesitated, shifting in his seat. “But at the same time Morgana’s right. Nothing’s going to change if we don’t do anything, so…” he scooted closer to Ryuji, and Ryuji’s breath hitched in his throat, his heart pounding faster as Akira drew closer and closer until finally their shoulders barely brushed against each other. At first Ryuji’s instincts screamed at him to get away, but then, slowly but surely, his shoulders relaxed, pressing against Akira’s in an achingly familiar closeness that Ryuji had so direly missed.

He shifted towards Akira so that their arms were pressed together as well, a comforting weight that made him crave more, but at the same time the anxiety in his chest still lingered, an anchor that held him rooted to the spot. This was as far as he could go.

For Akira, that seemed to be enough. He smiled, relief evident across his features, and out of the corner of his eye he could see the satisfaction written across the rest of his friends’ faces.

It could only get better from here, right?

* * *

 

The atmosphere of the cafe had shifted into a drowsy haze once everyone finished eating, stomachs filled with curry and minds muddled with peaceful contentment. They all stood up in preparation to head out, exchanging farewells to Sojiro and each other, but just when Ryuji turned to head out the door with everyone else something caught his sleeve and held him back.

“Wait,” mumbled Akira.

Ryuji stared at him, and for a moment everyone else froze in place until Futaba ushered them out of the cafe, Sojiro included. The bell tinkled once the door fell shut to indicate that they were the only ones left.

“I wanna do some more catching up. How about you spend the night?” he proposed quietly.

Ryuji blinked, taking in a deep breath and tugging his sleeve out from Akira’s grasp.

Don’t run away.

“Sure.”

Akira nodded, and he turned to head up the stairs with Ryuji slowly following him behind.

It all felt so painfully familiar, everything in Akira’s room exactly where it should be. It was supposed to be one of the few places he could actually be himself, head held high, but now he felt out of place, a stranger who didn’t belong.

Ryuji watched as Akira started up the game console, and he caught the controller Akira tossed at him. 

“Huh? But I thought we already beat Star Forneus…”

“I wanna play it again, if that’s alright.” murmured Akira.

Ryuji couldn’t really find it in himself to deny his request. “Fine. Ain’t like you got any other good co-op games on there.” he sighed.

He had gotten a better handle on the game’s timing with the second time around, but that didn’t mean that the enemies were easy to beat. The familiar surge of adrenaline rushed through him as they watched the final boss explode into a pixelated wreckage on the screen, and Ryuji pumped his fist into the air, ecstatic.

“Yes! That’s how we do it!” he cheered. He didn’t even think as he held up his hand to high-five Akira like it was second nature, and the moment their hands made contact they both seemed to realize that their relationship was already back to normal, if only for a moment.

Ryuji sat back down in his seat and grinned sheepishly. “So um, yeah. Great teamwork I guess.” he chuckled. His hand still stung from the impact, little jolts of electricity pricking his skin that reminded him that he had touched Akira out of his own volition.

Akira nodded, smiling silently when the plinking of water against the rooftop indicated that a light drizzle had begun. The rain eventually poured down, pattering steadily against the roof, and Ryuji distantly wondered if everyone had made it home by now or if a few of them had gotten caught in the rain.

Morgana inspected them with smug satisfaction, his tail sweeping across the floor.

“About time. You really gave everyone a scare, Ryuji, acting like you hated Akira’s guts.” he sighed.

Ryuji pressed his lips together. Right, it was his fault for making everyone worry. “Sorry. Dunno why I was so worked up this time…” he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You never acted like this when one of us attacked you before, so why now?” inquired Morgana, pressing even further. “Don’t tell me you’re finally starting to snap. You need to toughen up Ryuji!”

“Morgana…” chided Akira, but Ryuji shook his head.

“It’s fine. He’s right. I was being a jerk. I’m sorry…”

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault.” Akira stated firmly.

Morgana stiffened at that. “What do you mean it’s not his fault? Disappearing like that over a few hits when everyone’s gone through the exact same experience. If you think about it it’s kind of unfair.” Morgana’s tail puffed up. “He complained about you getting special treatment Joker, but then he runs off with his tail between his legs.” he said bitterly.

Ryuji’s shoulders tensed, the chair creaking beneath him as he suddenly stood up. He hadn’t even realized that his hands were balled into tight fists, trembling slightly. “Shut up, cat.” he growled. Why was he the one always getting singled out every time he messed up?  "You're one to talk about running with your tail between your legs. Letting Akira ditch me in the red-light district, not to mention running off with Haru. But none of us blamed you for it, including me."

“Don’t call me cat!” His fur raised on his back. “And that’s another thing! You’re never considerate about other people’s feelings! I wouldn't have left in the first place if you just showed me some respect for once. If a few words are enough to make you start swinging your fists and acting like a child, then maybe it was a good thing those guys at the red-light district taught you how to loosen up. Right Joker?”

Akira sank deeper into his chair, completely silent. Ryuji couldn’t read his expression at all behind his glasses.

At that point it wasn’t even teasing. Actually, it never was to begin with, and Ryuji didn’t think he could stand it any longer.

“Fine.” he grabbed his jacket from the chair, his throat unbearably tight as he shoved his arms through the sleeves. “I get it. You guys just wanted to trap me here so you could yell at me some more. Congrats, I’ve learned my lesson about showing weakness. Now if you’re done, I’ll see myself out.” he stomped down the stairs.

“Hey! Where are you going?!” yowled Morgana.

Ryuji ignored him, and he didn’t bother putting up his hood as he ventured into the pouring rain, prepared to run as far as his legs would take him when a hand yanked him back by the wrist.

“Ryuji-”

“Don’t touch me!”

Ryuji shoved Akira away with his other hand, and guilt immediately washed over him as he stared at the pitiful, hunched figure of his best friend, rain soaking into their clothes and chilling them both to the core.

“ I don’t agree with what Morgana said, you know. He’s kind of been on edge with you ever since Haru joined the team.” he mumbled, a drop of rain trickling down his glasses.

Ryuji clenched his fist. That was the best excuse he had? “But you don’t care enough to speak up every time he throws me under the bus, yeah? Just does whatever he says and laugh it off the next time you see me. But I get it! It’s my own fault too. Actin’ like I was fine every time you used me or talked down to me like I was some stray mutt, laughing it off right with you because I didn’t want you to get pissed and leave me in the dirt. Even now, I can’t help but wonder if you acted the way you did in Mementos because a part of you just loves messing with me.” he’s trembling, and it’s not because of the rain. 

Truthfully, he had hated being touched by those weirdos back at the red-light district and couldn’t believe it when Akira ditched him. Once he finally got home that night he had taken a long shower, scrubbing away at his skin so hard he thought it would peel off while rethinking the whole scenario over and over again to figure out what he did that would make Akira and Morgana abandon him like that. Then Akira had done the exact same thing while he was charmed, disregarding Ryuji’s feelings completely and treating him like he was a toy he could play with unrestrictedly.

Of course he had been used to it, years of casting his discomfort and pain aside and acting like it never affected him, aloof every time someone kicked him to the curb like he was nothing but worthless trash, but tonight the dam finally broke.

“You and Morgana are supposed to be my friends, but right now it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it.” he was thankful for the rain, his tears hidden by cold droplets clinging to his face while he choked on his own words.

Akira stood there, motionless as he listened to Ryuji’s outburst.

“You’re right.” Akira said quietly, voice barely audible against the heavy downpour. “About me being a shitty friend. I should’ve tried harder to be there for you, and I’m sorry, honest to god, I really am.” he looked up. “But you’re wrong about one thing, Ryuji.” He took a step forward, and Ryuji almost felt like a shadow trapped in the middle of a hold-up, Akira’s gaze boring holes into him. “I didn’t act that way in Mementos because I enjoy tormenting you or whatever.” he stared at the ground. “I… it’s…” And suddenly Akira’s voice was so quiet that Ryuji couldn’t even discern his mumbling, catching bits and pieces of half-formed sentences. Cool, collected Joker, stumbling over his words like a nervous wreck.

“ _ Huh _ ? The hell are you trying to say man? Speak up.” he folded his arms across his chest, a shudder involuntarily running through his body from the frigid rain. Damn it, it’s cold.

“Ryuji.” Akira suddenly blurted. Eyes fixated on him with the same intensity as before. “I like you.”

A moment of deafening white-noise provided by the rain. Well this was awkward.

“Um, I like you too, bro. Thanks for the reassurance, I guess? But uh, was it really that embarrassing to say out loud?” he tapped the front of his shoe against the wet ground. Did Akira think it was so embarrassing to be his friend?

Akira’s cheeks flushed red. “T-That’s not what I meant.” he muttered. “I like you as more than a friend… m-my behavior in Mementos must have reflected that, and-” he cut himself off with a loud sneeze.

Meanwhile, Ryuji was completely paralyzed. Despite the cold, he felt like he was overheating, unable to comprehend the information that was given to him. He watched as Akira held in another sneeze and sighed. “This is stupid. Let’s go inside and talk about it some more, okay?” he grumbled, the tips of his ears burning. This wasn't what he had been expecting at all.

Akira nodded, and they hastily rushed back inside the cafe.

Once they went back inside Akira broke into a fit of sneezes, and despite everything, Ryuji couldn’t help but chuckle, a rush of exhilaration making him feel light-headed and giddy. He had no idea what was going to happen anymore.

No turning back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Thanks for reading! And don't worry, Morgana and Ryuji have a long talk in the next chapter >~>)


	4. Still Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (hey guys!  
> Thank you so much for being patient with this fic! Truthfully I had lost interest but pushed through for the sake of finishing XP  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy it!)

Akira handed Ryuji a dish towel to dry himself off with, and a heavy silence settled over the room as Ryuji scrubbed the towel through his soaking-wet hair, the only audible sounds being the steady patter of rain outside and the hum of the refrigerator.

_ I like you. _

Had Akira really been serious about that? It could have very well just been a ploy to trick Ryuji into coming back inside. After all, charming, top-of-his-class Joker developing a crush on the delinquent with a crippled leg was simply a concept Ryuji couldn’t wrap his head around.

“Ryuji…” Akira was the first one to break the silence, startling him out of his thoughts. “Are you, um, freaked out by what I said? I know it’s a big thing to drop so suddenly…” he wrung the towel between his hands, damp bangs stuck to his forehead and beads of rain clinging to his glasses.

Ryuji let out a deep sigh, rubbing the back of his neck and his leg bounced rapidly against the wooden floor. “It’s hard to believe, I’ll admit. How long have you… uh, felt that way?”

“I don’t really know, honestly.” mumbled Akira. “I think maybe a few months?” he wouldn’t look Ryuji in the eye.

“Christ. That long?” hissed Ryuji as he racked his brains to inspect every memory he had of spending time with Akira over the past few months. He couldn’t recall anything that would give the slightest indication that Akira was interested in becoming something more than friends, and it only fueled Ryuji’s suspicions that Akira must have been playing some kind of cruel prank on him.

But then again, Akira’s flushed cheeks, the way his gray eyes darted to the side and pointedly refused to stare at Ryuji for very long, it all made his confession seem rather convincing as well...

Ryuji sighed, standing up and returning his towel to Akira. “I’m gonna go back upstairs and sleep.” he muttered, trudging up the stairs.

Akira didn’t say another word, nor did he follow him up to the attic, and Ryuji let out a groan of frustration as he plopped back into his chair, suddenly feeling exhausted as he buried his face in his hands.

He didn’t move when he felt a paw bat at his arms, warm fur brushing against his legs. “Hey.”

“What do you want?” he muttered. “If you’re going to make fun of me, go ahead. I’m too tired to lose my shit.”

A moment of silence, and Ryuji prepared himself for the barrage of insults.

“I’m sorry.”

Ryuji splayed his fingers, staring down at Morgana through the gaps. 

“I took it too far, and… I should have been more considerate about how you felt.” mumbled Morgana. His ears were wilted, tail hanging limply off the chair. “But when you started to avoid everyone, all I could think about was the time I ran away, avoiding my issues instead of facing them like I should have done, and I didn’t want you to make the same mistake I did.” he kneaded at the seat. “But I guess I messed up again. I shouldn’t have projected myself onto you seeing how it only made things worse. I’m sorry…”

Ryuji uncovered his face, slowly placing a hand between Morgana’s ears and ruffling his fur.

“I wish you’d show this side more often.” he teased gently, scritching beneath his chin.

“S-Shut up monkey! You won’t see it again.” huffed Morgana, ducking his head to avoid Ryuji’s fingers.

Ryuji chuckled weakly in return. “But thanks, Morgana. It really means a lot to me that you apologized.”

Morgana’s whiskers twitched as he swiped a paw over his muzzle. “Of course. It’s only natural to apologize to your friends.” he replied quietly.

Ryuji nodded, and he glanced at the stairway when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps. 

Akira stood across from him, hands shoved into his pockets and back slightly hunched like how it would be whenever he tried to make himself appear as insignificant as possible, another face to blend into the crowd.

“Akira…” Ryuji started, and Morgana took the hint to silently slink away, leaving just the two of them in the attic.

Akira looked so pitiful, like a puppy who had been caught tearing up the cushions, and Ryuji couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at him for much longer. He sighed heavily, folding his arms across his chest. “Ah, jeez. Quit moping will ya? It ain’t like you at all…” He walked over, and Ryuji could feel Akira flinch as he clapped his hand over his shoulder, no longer worrying about boundaries. “I’ve never, uh, experienced this sort of thing before, but… I can tell you meant it, a-and heck, I think a part of me feels the same way. S-So if you still want to, we could, um, try… this out.” he finished weakly.

The tips of Akira’s ears flushed red, and Ryuji wondered if the small flutter in his heart was how Ann felt about anything she called cute. He couldn’t help but smile, pulling Akira to his chest in a hug, and he felt Akira slowly wrap his arms around him in return, slender, almost boney fingers creasing his shirt.

Akira stared up at him, gray eyes piercing through the glint of his glasses as he slowly lifted his head, and Ryuji found himself vaguely aware of what was about to happen as raven locks brushed against his neck.

Even so, he didn’t push Akira away when their lips touched.

Akira’s lips were unexpectedly chapped, but still warm and making Ryuji’s brain melt into a puddle inside his skull.

Ryuji leaned forward, cupping Akira’s cheeks as he deepened the kiss, and the lack of experience showed through as their teeth knocked together on accident. That didn’t seem to deter Akira, however, and on the contrary seemed to make him even more excited, hands wrapping around Ryuji’s waist as their bodies pressed flush together, and Ryuji’s head was spinning from how quickly they were progressing, a soft moan escaping his open mouth and into Akira’s.

“A-Akira, wait…” he pulled away, eyes fixed on Akira’s puffy lips as they panted for air. “We should, uh, sit down if we want to, um, go any further.” he mumbled.

Akira nodded, and Ryuji’s limbs suddenly felt like they were filled with lead as they sat down on the bed, unsure of what to do. Thankfully Akira made the first move, kissing Ryuji again, and Ryuji’s breath hitched when he pushed him back onto the bed, heart pounding an increment faster and trembling slightly. Trapped between Akira’s arms, lying on his back, it felt all-too reminiscent of the first time this had happened, and Ryuji turned his head, biting his lip until…

“Are you sure you’re okay with this Ryuji?” Akira’s eyes were still gray instead of cloying pink, staring down at him with a softness that made Ryuji’s throat feel tight. His hands stayed resolutely on the bed, waiting for Ryuji’s answer, and Ryuji nodded his head, wrapping his arms around the other boy’s back. 

“Yeah. K...Keep going.” he mumbled, smiling nervously, and Akira smiled affectionately in return, kissing Ryuji’s neck while he unbuttoned their pants. 

The feeling is different this time; there’s no fingers and teeth hungrily digging into his skin, just Akira and his warm lips kissing at his neck as he carefully, slowly, grinded their erections together, a long sigh breaking through while he slipped a hand into Ryuji’s briefs.

He grasped their flushed lengths together, tight enough to make Ryuji whimper, and Ryuji tossed his head back with an embarrassingly loud moan as Akira began to squeeze and stroke their cock, clinging to Akira’s back.

“A-Ah, shit, Akira…” Morgana was right below them, and he tried his best to muffle their noises by kissing Akira again, squelches still audible in the stillness of the attic as precum dribbled down Akira’s hand.

Much to Ryuji’s surprise, Akira broke away from the kiss, deciding to nibble and suck on Ryuji’s ear instead.

“H-Hey, that tickles man.” Ryuji protested gently. 

Akira was so gentle it almost terrified Ryuji, not used to this sort of intimacy, and he thought it couldn’t get any worse until Akira said something that made him completely forget how to breathe.“I’m sorry I was a coward, and even though I’ve hurt you before I’ll try my best never to do it again. I love you Ryuji.” he murmured into his skin.

Ryuji bit his lip, shaking like a leaf in Akira’s embrace. Holy shit. Did Akira really just say that?

Akira didn’t even stop after that, continuing to chant “I love you” quietly into Ryuji’s neck while Ryuji could only whimper at his words; coupled with the burning pleasure stemming from his aching cock and he found himself turning into an overheated mess, sweat trickling down his back and cheeks flushed into a fiery red. This bastard was so embarrassing…

Ryuji screwed his eyes shut and wrapped his legs around Akira’s waist. “Damn it, I-I love you too…” he choked through the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks, the coil in his gut feels ready to spring free at any moment. “Akira, s-shit, I’m close…”

“H-ah, me too…” Akira panted, and he crushed their lips together in one last kiss before their release splashed between their stomachs in a chorus of moans.

Ryuji collapsed back onto the bed, enjoying the afterglow, and he wrinkled his nose at the mess of cum before tossing his soiled shirt aside.

Akira did the same before laying down on the bed, and there’s a soft, barely-there smile on his face as he wrapped his arms around Ryuji and pulled him close.

“You’re super sweaty, dude.” complained Ryuji softly, but he didn’t push him away.

“S-Sorry... so, um, what should we tell the others tomorrow? I-I understand if you want to keep this a secret-”

“Akira, I’m tired. Can we discuss this later?” mumbled Ryuji, yawning loudly.

Akira paused, smoothing his hand over Ryuji’s back. “Of course…” he kissed Ryuji’s forehead. “Well then, goodnight.”

They were awoken the next morning by Morgana, his tail smacking Ryuji in the face.

“You two traumatized me for life. I hope you’re proud of yourselves.”

Akira flushed red all the way to his shoulders, and Ryuji was sure he looked exactly the same, mumbling profuse apologies to Morgana.

During the Phantom Thief meeting they had scheduled that day, Ryuji stood up and announced his new relationship with Akira as soon as they started, much to Akira’s surprise, and much to both of their surprise they were received with an overwhelming wave of warm acceptance. Ann and Futaba relentlessly teased Akira about finally “manning” up, and Ryuji gawked at his friends before breaking into relieved laughter, leaning against Akira’s shoulder and lacing their fingers together.

Ryuji may not have been friends with Akira anymore, but that was perfectly fine, because in the end, they were closer than ever, and that was more than Ryuji had ever hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Thanks so much for reading!)

**Author's Note:**

> (Thanks for reading! Next chapter deals with Akira's POV)


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